I sometimes forget that this crazy blog also doubles as my journal, not just a photo album! I have had sometime to think today...and I spent most of it wishing! Wishing my finances were in order, my family had the perfectly workable schedule, more time with the kids, a laptop, a bigger house, a table that is not all banged up, a headboard for my bed, a new....! Sounds kind of selfish, huh? We all do it! I am not the only guilty person out there. How many feel though that they live in dollhouse? I received my one and only dollhouse when I was around six or seven. It was a paper one that my parents picked up from the UW bookstore, if I remember correctly. I loved/hated that dollhouse. I wanted a huge one with real furniture, not one that could be eaten by my younger brother. I remember playing with it, and wondering what my own home would look like, how many kids I would have (NEVER was my vision just two), and how I would be a good wife to my working husband. I would sit up at night listening to my parents chat...I knew I would be like her, my mom, friendly and encouraging. Anyways, I was cleaning today, which only lasted 15 minutes, when I realized that I feel like I am living in a dollhouse. I am playing this part that I had dreamt about. I looked around to realize that I was unhappy with my dollhouse, just like I was when I was younger. I am unhappy with the way I run it. At Journey, we are starting to talk about finances (even though this is the wrong season). Although we didn’t make it to church last week to hear the first sermon in the series, that doesn’t stop me since it is on podcast. I need to hear the sermon, but just like my checkbook theory…if I don’t balance it, then I won’t know I am out of money (if I don’t hear it preached, I won’t have to change)! It’s worked for 12 years…there are holes in this theory that I haven’t been able to fix, of course! I want the strength to listen to the
podcast…the strength to change…and the strength to make this dollhouse what it needs to be spiritually.
I sometimes forget that this crazy blog also doubles as my journal, not just a photo album! I have had sometime to think today...and I spent most of it wishing! Wishing my finances were in order, my family had the perfectly workable schedule, more time with the kids, a laptop, a bigger house, a table that is not all banged up, a headboard for my bed, a new....! Sounds kind of selfish, huh? We all do it! I am not the only guilty person out there. How many feel though that they live in dollhouse? I received my one and only dollhouse when I was around six or seven. It was a paper one that my parents picked up from the UW bookstore, if I remember correctly. I loved/hated that dollhouse. I wanted a huge one with real furniture, not one that could be eaten by my younger brother. I remember playing with it, and wondering what my own home would look like, how many kids I would have (NEVER was my vision just two), and how I would be a good wife to my working husband. I would sit up at night listening to my parents chat...I knew I would be like her, my mom, friendly and encouraging. Anyways, I was cleaning today, which only lasted 15 minutes, when I realized that I feel like I am living in a dollhouse. I am playing this part that I had dreamt about. I looked around to realize that I was unhappy with my dollhouse, just like I was when I was younger. I am unhappy with the way I run it. At Journey, we are starting to talk about finances (even though this is the wrong season). Although we didn’t make it to church last week to hear the first sermon in the series, that doesn’t stop me since it is on podcast. I need to hear the sermon, but just like my checkbook theory…if I don’t balance it, then I won’t know I am out of money (if I don’t hear it preached, I won’t have to change)! It’s worked for 12 years…there are holes in this theory that I haven’t been able to fix, of course! I want the strength to listen to the podcast…the strength to change…and the strength to make this dollhouse what it needs to be spiritually.
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In any case, speaking of dolls, we all hope the sassy, sanguine version will be out in time for Christmas. It will sell better than Elmo any day.